Mommy Miracles

Dear Gavin: Happy Birthday. It’s Not Fair.

May 9, 2013 By Laura O'Rourke 12 Comments

Dear Gavin,

This letter is late. You turned one a week and a half ago on April 29th. Whereas I wrote a whole series of posts for your brother’s first birthday, I haven’t written anything for you yet. Until now, that is.

Part of me worries about this. I wrestle daily with the guilt that comes with having a second child. Maybe I am not giving you everything your brother got. Maybe life isn’t fair for you, my second born.

It probably isn’t.

You just turned one. We did nothing to celebrate it on your actual birthday. I did not bake you a cake. I did not give you a present. We did not throw you a party. We did not fill the house with balloons. We said “Happy Birthday, Gavin!” and hugged you lots and made you feel special. You had cake at daycare and a little family gathering the day before, with cake and presents. But on your actual birthday, you might not even have noticed that anything was different.

Gavin's First Birthday Party

I’m sorry to tell you that Cameron got a big first birthday party. We rented out the church nursery, decorated according to a theme, invited friends and family, and I made cake pops (which might be the first and only time I will do that.) I went all out for your brother.

It’s not fair.

I’m sure I will hear that a lot as you and Cameron grow up.

But here is what I want to tell you, little Gavin, on your very first birthday.

Sometimes it is okay when it isn’t fair.

I didn’t throw you a first birthday party because your Mama just started back to work and we’re in the middle of house hunting and I’m trying to work on the side at home on top of my full-time hours at work. I didn’t throw you a first birthday party because life is busy, and that’s not fair to you.

But I also didn’t throw you a first birthday because I learned something at your brother’s first birthday. I learned that my worth as a Mama isn’t tied up in ribbons and string and cake pops. It doesn’t matter how pinnable my your birthday parties are. Especially when you’re one. When you’re one you want to be loved and you want to eat cake and you want to have someone to smile at. Cameron’s first birthday was just as much for him as it was for me. I was flexing my Mama-muscle. I was proving to the world how much I loved my children by how much I spent and how delicious I baked and how creative I crafted.

Brother 1 year comparison

Your brother? He loved it. He had a blast at his party. But he would have had just as much fun eating cake at home, or playing in the nursery at church on Sunday. The decorations didn’t matter. The theme didn’t matter. The presents hardly mattered. Not to a one-year-old.

I learned with that first birthday party. I learned that when I plan something, I let the stress overwhelm me. I learned that sometimes, less is more. I learned that one-year-olds don’t need, or expect a lot. And I learned that I might be a better Mom when I’m not stressing out before a party. (Just ask your Dad.)

This life will be full of ‘It’s not fair!‘s for you, I am sure. But sometimes, you just have to trust me. Sometimes you have to realize that my equal love for you and your brother might be realized in slightly different ways.

And if you read this years from now, in the throws of an ‘It’s not fair!‘ fit, just be assured that you had just as much fun at your first birthday as your brother did at his.

I love you Gavin. I love having a second child. It’s not fair that I am so lucky, but I am grateful that I am.

Love forever and always,

Mommy

Gavin at 1

12 Comments

How to Stretch $100 – A #WalmartFrugalHeroes Challenge

May 7, 2013 By Laura O'Rourke 21 Comments

One hundred dollars is a funny amount of money. As a child, $100 seemed huge and unattainable. Still now, as an adult, spending $100 feels like a big chunk of change when we are trying to stretch a budget. Yet, you can’t get much for $100 these days. We’re lucky if our weekly grocery bill hovers near the $100 mark. It usually soars above it. It is near impossible to get a new outfit for Mom or Dad under $100. Heck, even a nice pair of jeans or a well-fitted bra can push you over the $100 limit. It seems like we are shilling out $100s more and more and getting less and less in return.

Sometimes, it is hard to be an adult.

Recently, I was given the challenge to stretch $100. I was encouraged to see exactly how much $100 could get me at Walmart. So, on Friday, May 3rd, along with bloggers from across the country, I went to Walmart in search of a brand new outfit for me and a few extra things for my boys.

It started off as a hard trip for me. Had I been given this challenge in a few months from now, I would have chosen to redo a room or decorate an outdoor space for $100. But at the moment, given our tiny little apartment situation, that challenge simply didn’t fit my lifestyle. As a Mom who rarely spends money on herself (and who has a continually changing body shape), I can always handle a few extra items in the wardrobe. Additionally, as any Mom knows, it is nice to have an excuse to pamper yourself once in a while. But it has become so unnatural for me to buy for myself that I was wandering the store for a long time before finally feeling right about picking something out.

My goal was to pick out an outfit that would be appropriate for work, warm-weather friendly, and comfortable enough to want to wear on weekends. I also made a concerted effort to not buy anything black considering my wardrobe has been pretty monotone for the past few years and it certainly does not reflect my colour-loving personality.

I was surprised at how the clothes at Walmart definitely kept up with the fashion trends of the time, while still offering options for different body types and style preferences.

I tried on a number of different outfits and styles (partially because I have no idea what size I am, and also, looking in a dressing room mirror is pretty darn horrifying). Eventually I decided on a pair of white capris ($10), a yellow tank top ($10), and a blue cable-knit shrug ($12) to make the whole outfit work appropriate. Because summertime means air conditioning in my office, I also picked up a multicoloured, long-sleeved cardigan ($12) that I fell in love with.

Outfit

After feeling sufficiently guilty for spending so much on myself (despite still having $66 left to spend), I picked up a Spiderman short & t-shirt set ($14) for Cameron (Mom of the year!) and a similar Superman set for Gavin ($12). A $5 t-shirt for Gav and a pack of Spiderman undies ($12.87) for my big boy completed my mission and left me feeling like a Super-mom for spoiling myself while still filling some of my family’s needs.

When it was all rang up, the outfit for me, outfit for each boy, additional sweater, t-shirt, and set of underwear all totalled $96.66 with tax.

Checkout

Challenge met. That’s how you stretch a hundred bucks.

What is the best $100 that you’ve ever spent?

The small print: I was given a $100 Walmart gift-card for the sake of this challenge. The opinions and experience is entirely my own. Google WalmartFrugalHeroes to see how other bloggers stretched their $100.

21 Comments

Diaper Daycare

April 30, 2013 By Christopher Drew 16 Comments

Editor’s Note: So much has happened this month. I started work, my baby nephew was born, my own baby turned one, and we decided to start the process of buying our first home. Needless to say, my blog has taken a bit of a back seat. I hope to find more time soon, but at the moment, I need to get a few things in order and I need to figure out a new schedule that allows for some writing time. For now, I want to introduce you to a friend of mine. Christopher blogs over at Modern Man of the Cloth. (Check out that awesome header made by yours truly!) He is a husband, a Dad, and a pastor. He is also an avid cloth-diaper parent. Not only has he used cloth diapers on all three of his kids, he has also spent time helping out in an at-home daycare that his wife Meghan ran. I really wanted to post about how to continue cloth diapering even when your child is in daycare. With his experience, Christopher is the perfect person to write this while I am off calling contractors and signing home offers and sending my own kids to daycare.

“I think we should try cloth diapers.”

I was not prepared for this suggestion. We had only been married for one month and we were already expecting our first child. I knew almost nothing about babies or parenting and until that moment I didn’t even know they still made cloth diapers.

“I think we should try cloth diapers.”

Once I gathered myself up I cautiously voiced my main concern, “I don’t think that is a great idea, I don’t want to poke our baby with a safety pin”. Thankfully Meghan didn’t laugh at me for saying that. We talked it over and after looking at price comparisons and environmental comparisons I found myself saying;

“I think we should try cloth diapers.”

Three children later and I am still a diehard cloth diaper fan. We had weighed the options carefully and cloth diapering was the clear winner for our household. But there was one thing that we hadn’t considered when we first made our decision; How would future daycare providers react?

My wife and I have been on both sides of this issue. For one year Meghan ran an at home daycare before deciding to accept a position outside of the home. Here are some of the lessons that we have learned and benefits we didn’t expect;

Cloth Diaper Daycare Lessons Learned

Communication is Key - Cloth diapers tend not to have the same ‘tells’ that indicate a change is needed. They tend not to smell, they don’t get all droopy, they don’t change colour, etc. So talk to your daycare provider about the changing schedule you have developed. Everyone we talked to was happy to accommodate.

Send More Diapers Than You Think You Need - This should be a given, but it often isn’t. When we ran a daycare I hated having a child sitting in their last diaper knowing that Mom and Dad are not coming for another hour or more. I knew they had just been changed and in all likelihood wouldn’t need to be changed again, but what were we supposed to do if they did poop again? When we became daycare users I always sent 2-3 more diapers than I ever thought were needed.

Send your easiest to use cloth diapers - We are not very brand loyal when it comes to our diaper collection. Some of them have snaps, some have velcro, some are all-in-ones, some use inserts, some require a lot of folding, some require diaper covers, some are fitted, and some are one-size. I could go on but you get the idea. The more time you spend around cloth diapers the less overwhelming all of the differences appear. We chose to go easy on our daycare providers normally sending fitted all-in-ones. If we sent something different we always made sure the diapers were fully assembled and ready to use. (Editor’s Note: Hipkiddo Cloth Diapers are a great option to send to your daycare provider. Just stuff the diapers with the liners before packing them and give your daycare provider a quick tutorial of which snaps fit baby best!)

Diaper Stash

What Do We Do With The Poop? - All three daycares asked us, “what do we do with the poop?” For us the answer was always the same: “We flush it down the toilet , but you don’t have to worry about it. Just fold up the diaper the way you normally would with a disposable and place it in the reusable bag provided. When we get home will will rinse them.” This was simply a personal preference. We recognized that we chose to take on the extra work of cloth diapers for a variety of reasons. We didn’t want to pass that work along to someone else.

Benefits We Didn’t Expect

I Know How Often You Changed My Child – We have used three different daycare providers. The last two were both very good. Our first experience however was less than stellar. We felt that Ariella, who was six months old at the time, was getting ignored at daycare. One day our concerns were confirmed. At pickup time only one of the cloth diapers we sent came home dirty, and they were changing that diaper when we walked in. Because we use cloth diapers we discovered they neglected to change Ariella all day.

Ariella in cloth diaper

No One Else Used Our Diapers - For whatever reason, the last few weeks that Ariella was in daycare before Meghan went on maternity leave, our daycare provider kept ‘forgetting’ to bring the cloth diapers upstairs to the changing room. Ariella used by my estimate 25 (disposable) diapers belonging to someone else. Had I discovered that I bought a package of diapers to use on someone else’s kid I would have been pretty annoyed.

In the end while we certainly have had the odd issue because we chose to use cloth diapers by in large I am very happy that my wife once said,

“I think we should try cloth diapers”.

Since then I have been known to say to others,

“You should think about trying cloth diapers”.

Editor’s small print: I use Hipkiddo cloth diapers on Gavin. They’re an awesome cloth diaper choice if you’re looking for green, affordable diaper options. Be sure to Like Hipkiddo on Facebook and follow on Twitter to hear about chances to save and win. Hipkiddo provided cloth diapers for the purposes of this blog series. Christopher wrote this post out of the goodness of his own heart.